Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
