Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
