Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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