I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
