She's JV to your varsity
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
