Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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