so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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