He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
