I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
