Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
