Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize