Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
