its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
