Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
