first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
