I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
