i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
