Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
