Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
