I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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