just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
