dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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