i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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