Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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