YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
