I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i am craving dick and cupcakes
last night I used snow as a chaser
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
