shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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