just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
