If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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