He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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