went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
