I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize