Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
