2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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