im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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