He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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