you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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