before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
