when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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