i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
