Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
