VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
