dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
