Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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