Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
