god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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