i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
