I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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