My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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