quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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