Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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