He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
is wine microwaveable?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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