I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize