He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
