I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
try to milk me bitch
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