im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
