You can't motorboat a personality
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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