I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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