what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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