Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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