Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
