Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
