i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
