Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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