i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
