So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
