remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you didnt know i had herpes?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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