I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
