guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
